


i feel like i win when i lose

by aelisheva



Category: Mamma Mia! (Movies), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Multi, No Incest, Screenplay/Script Format, Series Finale Speculation, i'm sorry in advance, netflix please hire me, this is so so self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 14:23:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19252966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelisheva/pseuds/aelisheva
Summary: absolutely no one:me at 3 am: the post-credits scene of mamma mia where they’re all dancing to “waterloo” but with the umbrella academy instead---or, how this entire series is definitely going to end.





	i feel like i win when i lose

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Summer Of Seven prompt “Robot dance.”
> 
>  
> 
> for reference, the scene i’m ripping off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GvL0jFY7u8

**EXT. GRASSY FIELD - MORNING -  SUMMER - 1815 BELGIUM**

 

SMASH CUT TO: 

 

The UMBRELLA ACADEMY, all sitting on the top of a wide hill, watching the sunrise. All seven of their backs are to the camera.

 

OVERLAY: Text above them, fanning the sun tells us we are in “WATERLOO, BELGIUM 1815.”

 

BEN (VOICE-OVER)

So...what now?

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of all seven, now all facing the camera. BEN looks at FIVE, who sits right next to him.

BEN

We saved the world, saved our family, brought me back to life….

DIEGO

Brought Patch back…

KLAUS

Brought Dave back…

ALLISON

I can see Claire again….

BEN

What’s next?

FIVE

(looks at BEN) 

Nothing.

With shaky arms, FIVE gives his brother a hug. BEN hugs him back.

FIVE (CONT.)

Absolutely nothing. We can finally rest now.

VANYA

Is this why you brought us all here, Five? It’s pretty.

FIVE

(smirking like the kid on the playground who knows that “Ring Around The Rosie” is really about the plague)

It’s a place where people _ died,  _ Vanya. The Battle of Waterloo happened right around here months ago.

FIVE startles, remembering KLAUS’S unease with the dead.

 

FIVE (CONT.)

Klaus, are you okay here? Because if there are dead soldiers roaming around --

KLAUS

Oh, there  _ are. _ But all of them can only speak French, and I have no clue what any of them are saying…Besides, I don’t really care right now. I don’t have to say  _ anything  _ back to them.

ALLISON turns to VANYA, who sits right next to her.

ALLISON

(crossing arms)

You know, this sounds really weird, but it’s kind of beautiful here. New life growing from the ashes of death…Maybe I could take Claire here someday.

VANYA

Or maybe Paris.

ALLISON

Just not the Louvre. She thinks it’s ugly for some reason.

VANYA

(laughs)

Well, she’s not wrong.

ALLISON

(uncrossing her arms)

…I think that all of us deserve a huge vacation after what we’ve gone through.

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of all seven’s backs to the camera again. ALL voice their agreement with ALLISON as the camera ZOOMS OUT.

MUSIC CUE: The opening riff of “Waterloo” by ABBA is heard. The song plays until the end of the rest of the coming sequence.

CUT TO:

**INT. MYSTERIOUS DISCO - 2019**

WIDE SHOT of the ENTIRE CAST in what looks like a mysterious pocket dimension disco. They’re all still wearing their normal clothes. The walls are pitch black and the floor is made of flashing, lit-up glass tiles.

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of ALLISON and VANYA whipping their heads around to face the camera as they sing  _ (all singing is italicized) _ \--

 

ALLISON, VANYA:

_ My my! At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender! _

CLAIRE pops up in between them.

CLAIRE:

_ Oh yeah! _

BEN and DIEGO pop in next to all of them.

BEN, DIEGO:

_ And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way! _

KLAUS and LUTHER step in next.

KLAUS, LUTHER

_ The history book on the shelf -- _

FIVE pops in front of all of them.

FIVE

_ \-- Is always repeating itself! _

 

__   
  


CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT showing that everyone is now wearing disco outfits!

__

LUTHER, DIEGO, and BEN strut in to a now empty dance floor, wearing disco suits not unlike the ones Sam, Bill, and Harry wore in the original scene. 

__   
  


LUTHER, DIEGO, BEN

_ Waterloo- I was defeated, you won the war _

__

Each brother strikes a (dorky) disco pose, then all point to their right.

__

ALLISON and VANYA dance in from the right side of the screen, also wearing ridiculously bright outfits.

__

ALLISON, VANYA

_ Waterloo- promise to love you forever more _

__

While ALLISON does a little air guitar, VANYA makes a showy point to her left.

__

WIPE LEFT TO:

__

MEDIUM SHOT of FIVE (in a leisure suit) waltzing with DOLORES (in a new sequin top).

 

FIVE

_ Waterloo- couldn't escape if i wanted to _

_ Waterloo- knowing my fate is to be with you _

PAN RIGHT as we see BEN staring at the two of them. The camera keeps panning until BEN is the only one in the shot. He shrugs, then begins his own freestyle dance.

BEN

_ Whoa whoa whoa whoa, Waterloo- finally facing my Waterloo _

ZOOM OUT as he continues to tear it up.

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT as DAVE and KLAUS slide in to an empty floor, also wearing disco suits.

 

DAVE, KLAUS

_ My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger _

  
  


CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT as DIEGO and PATCH dance in together next to them, also in new getup.

DIEGO, PATCH

_ Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight _

All four come together.

DIEGO, PATCH, DAVE, KLAUS

_ And how could I ever refuse _

_ I feel like I win when I lose _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of AGNES and HAZEL shimmying together.

AGNES, HAZEL

_ Waterloo- I was defeated, you won the war _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of tuxedo-ed COMMISSION AGENTS carrying in THE HANDLER, who’s wearing a huge poufy dress.

THE HANDLER

_ Waterloo- promise to love you forever more _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of HAROLD JENKINS, tied up in a chair with rope and surrounded by a fiery landscape. We can infer that he’s in (disco) hell.

  
  


HAROLD

(registers that  this is his life now)

_ Waterloo- couldn't escape if I wanted to _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of HAZEL and CHA-CHA grooving together.

HAZEL, CHA-CHA

_ Waterloo- knowing my fate is to be with you _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of GRACE doing the robot dance.

 

GRACE

_ And how could I ever refuse _

_ I feel like I win when I lose _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of REGINALD and POGO just standing there stoically, doing nothing.

ALL BUT REGINALD AND POGO

_ Waterloo- I was defeated, you won the war _

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT of TWO MEN dancing, who look suspiciously like Gerard Way and Gabriel B á.

ALL

_ Waterloo- promise to love you forever more _

  
  
  


CUT TO:

WIDE SHOT of ALL coming back together.

ALL

_ Waterloo- couldn't escape if I wanted to _

_ Waterloo- knowing my fate is to be with you _

_ Waterloo- finally facing my Waterloo _

  
  


All crowd together, each picking up an umbrella. When they all open at once, they form a pattern that spells out “THE END.”

CUT TO BLACK as the song ends.

 

 


End file.
